Mixed Emotions

This week have been quite up and down for me. It started on a high note, then plummeted down with with something close to an argument which I had with a close friend. To do it during working hours via chatline....that was sooo idiotic!

But that had been settled and the air has been cleared....or so....I hope that will not mar our friendship, which I truly value.

Then when things seem quite okay for the rest of the week, suddenly this morning I was given an upsetting news with unexpected new deadlines. While it is good for business, it is not good for my own peace of mind.

My R&R plans for the end of the year had to be scrapped off since my leave was frozen due to an unexpected new project and I could not leave until mid January. UUUUrrggghhhhhhh!!!!!! And I was hoping to take time off...maybe go back to HK or accept another friend's invitation to London. Oh well....looks like I have to postpone my holiday plans to another month.

When thing seems quite endless and boring...suddenly I was jolted with a new proposition. Yeah...jolted is the right word for it because...there I was...oblivious to anything aorund me and suddenly I receive a caller with an unexpected proposition......and a pleasant news at that. I have been given a new potential....something that might change my life altogether.....

Anyway, it is still too early to tell. Only that I am honoured to be given this opprtunity. Wether I get it or not, it doesn't matter, at least all my hard work and professional image haAve been noticed. And so...I left the office in a euphoric state and as happy as can be.

Ms Wannabee is back to dreaming all the impossible dreamssss...

Good night!

The Bootcamp Battle begins

I never knew that I have a sado-masochism streak in me. This week is the third week I put myself through physical torture and agony that is the Bootcamp. When I told my brother about the bootcamp activities, instead of motivating me and telling me what a strong girl I am, all he waid was "..and you are paying them for this?"
Hmm...I dunno how to answer that.

Somehow the quest for size 10 bikini seemed as ludicrous as it could be. But one thing for sure, I can't back off now. This is do or die situation. I just want to give my best shot and see how far I could go. At the moment, still no where because I am still amonsgt the last to finish each exercise.

Now, for 3 mornings each week on Monday, Wednesday and Friday from 5.45 to 6.45am, I struggled bleary eyes out of bed and make my way to Padang Merbuk at Tasik Perdana. This is the KL Alpha Team. If anybody is late or AWOL, then the whole team gets the punishment. Talk about "one for all, all for one"....if anybody is caught cheating (walking instead of running...or not following orders), the rest will have extra time added to their 'torture' (exercise).

The first week was a trial week...I came home each time covered in mud (head to toes!)with aches and pain...Walking, sitting down, getting up is so painful (everywhere!)..going up and down the stairs is the worse! I feel like a heavily pregnant women (no that I know how a pregnant women feels like since I have never been pregnant).

I supposed all those unused muscles for the paST 37+ years have finally been put to use. It has yet to get better...but this is hardly the first month and I still have 3 and half more months to go!

However, as much as I hated the pain...each time when the class is over...one feels soo proud and elated for having achieved such feat. Yeah, I call it a feat coz I never knew I could do such things!!

The trainers (Sarge and Corporal) really knows how to push you. They seem cruel and relentless on the field but I guess they know what they are doing and they know your limit and will push you over and over again.

Physically, as much as I hated the pain...I think I must have improved myself a bit, and now, I could say that I have some decent stamina now compared to 3 weeks ago. In the first trial....I spent most of the time laying down on the ground (next to my vomit) but in the 2nd and 3rd trial...I managed to stay up. That was a real motivation...

For 3 mornings each week, we struggle with grunts, lunges, push-ups, sit-ups, squats, running, jumping, sandbags, rifle (pvc tube filled with concrete, that weighs a tonne when you are really tired), ropes (yeah! weighs a tonne too when you really have no more energy to lift and carry it around), tyres (not the car type but those big tractors type. i couldn't even move it in the first week but I was shocked when I found that I managed to flip it last week!!!)and God knows what else awaits us. It sounds really easy but believe me...only if you are in this bootcamp, you'll know how scary those things are!

Come rain, hail or snow....there is no excuse. I have really outgrown my OCD nature. There is no such thing as wet tissue or sanitiser. As it is a wet season in KL now..the field is wet and muddy. And so, at the end of each class...yours truly will stagger out of the field tired out of her bones, completely bedraggle and covered in mud (and who knows what else!) from top to toe. Luckily I have a very good and diligent helper at home. She will dutifully clean my muddy clothes, shoes and socks (yes, the mud seeped into the socks too)and have them clean and dry before each class. I really must give her an extra allowance for this.

And so...my personal battle continues. Worse come to worse...there is always Marie France and Philip Wain but I realise that as long as I can still push myself physically, I will continue. The trainers and team members are equally supportive too....and I know they are other team members as weak as me.

No matter what, I shall reach my aims for agility, strength and that size 10 bikini by the end of this 4 months. And I shall be one of the prime examples of "remember that lady who collapsed during the warming up session in her first trial....?"

Till then....as they shout at the end of each session...HHOOOO YEAH!!!!!!!

My 38th Birthday!

Happy Birthday to me! Last year I celebrated my birthday in the circle of close and dear friends in Discovery Bay and this year I enjoyed my own company. The parents went away to visit a sick relative in Singapore, I would have gone along but due to work, got left behind. But I didn’t mind, needed time alone anyway. I have been sooo tired, with outings and projects the past few weeks plus the aches and pains from the Bootcamp which still have not fade from this aging body.

This weekend is the best time to recharge my battery. And so today, there is nobody in this house but my faithful helper and my own company.

I wanted to sleep in and wake up as late as I could but unfortunately got woken up with work-related phone call. Damm! There went my beauty sleep. Could not go to sleep anymore after that. But luckily, it was a solitary morning, the helper was somewhere in the house… while I get to made my own breakfast (which is not as often as I like), with the food that I WANT to eat. Usually mom dearest prepared the breakkie, so have no choice but to eat whatever that was prepared.

It was to be a day of leisure and I was happy because I managed to do just that. I relaxed, watched tv and then by noon I decided to go out. Of course, being my birthday today…it is a day of indulging and pampering myself. Started with a few hours at the spa followed with a few hours of retail therapy….it was soooo relaxing…..Now, that's what I caLLED A BLISSFULL LIFE……This is how life should be…

Alas, this is one of the best birthdays for me. My gifts were not as many as last year but compared to last year but its okay. I only got 2 things this year…..but like I said, its okay…especially counting the 10k extra spending money (never mind it’s just on credit) and this cute fuschia pink netbook which is sooooooooo cute and pretty. It is a Sony Viao no less! Hehehehe…(Bard really hates me for this).

I know, I know…I just got a laptop couple of months back but somehow….despite the earlier attraction…we just didn’t fizzle together. Must be the size or the weight. Anyway, this is gift, I can’t say no to it. And so…thank you to my loving friends who made this possible for me. I feel soooo blessed….

As part of my birthday rituals… (a ritual which I only started after I reached 35)I spent a standard 3-5 minutes for deep contemplation You know..."why, how, what, where I am now" kind of questions and thoughts.

I still havent got the answers till today. Have I reached a milestone in my life??? I dunno.... My friends always say that I am too critical of myself...but hey, its my life..
I am 38 now. If I were to compare my life to my siblings when they were 38, I would have to perform the hara-kiri now or live in shame. Apart from work (and that is not something to be proud of sometimes), nothing changes.

I’m still the same person with the same thoughts as when I was 18 or 28. Older does not neccessasarily mean wiser and I am the true testament to that. I still don’t know what I’m doing and still unsure where I’m heading with my life. There is NO long-term planning here….it’s just a day to day existance.

Oh well..., there is no answer. I don’t want to waste too much time to dwell on big question marks in life so that is why I only limit myself to maximum 5 mins on contemplation only. Why do I want to depress myself? Better do other things and think happy thought......in a true Wannabee nature.

And so, after a day of full indulgence (I sooo deserve this after working back-to-back the past few weeks) I am now refresh and fully rested. I also spent quality time with my second brother and his loving family for abirthday dinner last night.

The spa cost few hundred, the new netbook was nearly 2k (but free), some clothes, make-up and shoes cost a few hundred more but most of all…..this feeling of happiness (especially as I am typing away on this brand spanking new pink VIAO),the peacefullness and contentment that I enjoyed this weekend is PRICELESS!

Thank you!

Ms Wannabee wishes to thank all her loves ones, friends and colleagues for the birthday messages received via phone calls, sms’s, emails, cards and fb. Hopefully, next year it would include newspaper announcement too.

My first bootcamp experience

Everybody laughed out loud when I told them I was going to join the Bootcamp. The idea that yours truly is going to embark on an extreme physical training is too ludicrous and funny to some people.
But I don't blame them....I've never been one for those sweaty, high-impact physical sports.

Why I did I decide to do this??? Hmm...several reasons actually:

- need to lose weight and get back into my fav Tommy pants (most of my clothes are too tight now and getting a whole new wardrobe is too expansive

- need to build my stamina and be more healthy for my own good

- need to build my mental strength, bootcamp is not easy and with all the discouraging remarks...I need to push myself mentally and physically..this is something I have to do before I hit 40..which is not too far now (uurrgghhh)

- the mental strength is another step towards my next plan in life...maybe embark in a small partnership somewhere interesting and exotic with Ms T (somewhere not too hot to give us wrinkles and not too hit to give us rheumatism). So if I could succeed with this...who knows what else I could do if I really push myself...hahaha...that remains to be seen

- need to tone my body and slim down and fit into that size 10 bikini! Actually this was the first and primary reason but I added those reasons mentioned-above to make it more worthwhile..



And so...armed with my strong motivation and brand new running shoes (just bought the night before), I went to the first trial on MOnday morning.

The trainers were young men, not bad looking but quite stern and being a Ms Wannabee...I know these boys are Commando Wannabees. They called themselves Captain, Corporal and Lans Corporal...just like in the army.

This is the trial week, the actual program will start in early November. The training will be for 4 months, 3 times a week from 0545 hours to 0645 hours (dear Lord....).

After laying down the house rules, the torment began....

The first 5 minutes went well, then 10 minutes was still okay but after 15 minutes....I was dying!!!
Talk about lying in your own pool of vomit! I vomited, vomited and vomited!!! If I could bleed, I would have bled to death. It was sooo excruciatingly humiliating!!! I was past being embarrassed.....
As other went ahead with their training...I was on the ground...on the muddy field...spattered with mud and god knows what else (unfortunately it rained the night before, hence the muddy ground).

Could not even get up from the wet ground to save my life (for this Ms Wannabee...to be laying down on the grass and muddy ground without any mat or protection from the 'soil'...this is REALLY, EXTREMELY EXTREME!!! She never ever touches the ground without a mat and there she was...laying down IN THE MUD, NEXT TO HER OWN POOL OF VOMIT..EEEEEUUUUWWWWWWW

I wanted to give up at that time. This is not for me, there is always Marie France if I want a slim body. But I could not even move and was still retching up my banana breakfast. Sungguh memalukan....

I tried to go back again but after 2 attempts (after several steps) I dropped again. I was too dizzy to stand and COULD NOT move even a step forward. I wanted them to call the paramedics but nobody was looking at my direction...everybody was busy with their training.

Had I had my car keys with me at that time I would have crawled back and gone straight to Marie France. But earlier, they made us leave our car keys with them...for security purpose. But now I know...they also made it hard for you to leave.

Finally the fainting spell and dizziness died down. I was not dying after all.....and I could move and get up without wanting to throw up again.

And so...Ms Wannabee who wants to be in Bootcamp, staggered back to her team much to the surprise of the trainers and others.

Just like Goldie Hawn in Private Benjamin, I walked back into the field and joined in the group for the final round of exercise...even though it was only for the last 10 minutes.

I know my limits now....low impact yes...high impact no! However...I still have traces of Mat Kilau DNA in me (being born in Pahang...that's the only think I could be proud of)....and so...I SHALL NOT not give up.

Ms Wannabee shall go on with the Bootcamp until...officially kicked out by the Bootcamp trainers.

And so...the painful, laborious, breathless journey towards size 10 bikini shall go on for Ms Wannabee...

Welcome Stefanie!

Ms Wannabee wishes to welcome Ms Stefanie (with an 'f') Chuah another new reader to her blog.

Gosh! First Sek Hin and now you.... I am honoured of course but with more editorial people looking into this, it gets more daunting!! I have to check my grammar and spelling and make sure all t's are crossed and i's are dotted.

Oh well....this blog is purely for entertainment and of no scientific and commercial value (compared to your kind of writing). Therefore, please close one eye to any editorial inperfections and just enjoy my personal musings on mundane matters....

Happy reading!

Whaisee's Wedding Dinner

I left HK on Sat afternoon and dashed off to Whaisee's wedding banquet in the evening at PJ Hilton. It was quite a mad hurry, arrived home from the airport at 6.30, got ready within one hour and by 7.30 dashed off again and arrived just in time for the wedding couple to make their grand entrance.

But before that, there was a moment of panic when I could not find my car key, apparently my parents drove it to Kuantan for the weekend but luckily there was another car under the porch. Thanks to my bro's C200 Merc, with its single digit plate-number (which I later nonchalantly passed to the valet. I also can’t help but noticed the covert glances from people at the lobby...wink, wink....ooohhh i soo loved that moment!)

To compliment the car that I drove, I also looked HOT (even if I say so myself) in the black Club Monaco Monroe style LBD that showed lots of skin and cleavage (Karen will be envious if she were to see me that evening) but still managed to be demurely covered with the black shawl paid by my beloved buddy (thank you gift I supposed....but thanks so much!) at the airport shop.

Okay back to the wedding (being so full of myself again....), this is the final wedding for the Lee family. My dear (ex) housemate cum tuan-rumah when in HK, Whaisee Loong (as she is now should be known as) finally had her wedding reception.

After nearly a year of hearing the moans and groans (I mean the non-sexual type). More to do with frustrations of having to deal with too many debates and suggestions of interfering well-intentioned family members and new-in-laws which I guess are the normal pre-wedding dramas and rites of passage that one has to go through if one gets married. Especially if this is to be the first wedding in the groom's family and also, when the groom is the only son!

And it finally happened. Phew!!! Finally.....What a relief.....I am sure not only to the beautiful and radiant looking bride and groom, but also the close circle of friends that constantly have to hear the abovementioned complaints, moans and groans. WHAT A BIG RELIEF!!!!!!!!!! I also like the short but meaningful speech given by WC’s eldest brother. Quite touching….but that’s always the case with weddings….

Alas, it was a beautiful wedding... as any wedding ceremony should be.....any behind-the scenes dramas or hiccups could not be avoided but as long as everything went well and all guests left home fully-fed and happy and the anticipated angpows poured in, that's ALL THE MATTERS.....

(I wondered if the total angpow collection broke even the whole cost but I was too polite to ask).

Everybody left with smiles and thanks. Even yours truly...though tired that she was, left home happy....

Congratulations to Whaisee and Sze Peng!!!!!!