Compared to previous years, this year I am taking some serious efforts to bring myself closer to my Creator. Thank you also to the close friends that I have here who are great influence to me. I have also shocked (good shock, not bad shock) my parents when I voluntarily wanted to follow them to terawikh prayer!
To be part of a congregational prayer….. It is not proper for me to say that it was ‘fun’ but it was very pleasant and rewarding going there during the one week I was home.
And so, with this new resolve, I return to HK, full of motivations to continue nightly ‘terawikh’ prayer as much as I could this Ramadhan. There is a Pakistani mosque nearby, so it is very convenient plus I have my close friends to go along with.
Oh! How different the prayer here compared to the one at my dad’s surau back home. At the surau back home, the reading was short and sweet. It was pleasant and no hardship at all. Although the Imam reads one juzuk per night, the reading have been summarised, hence shorter reading.
In the mosque over here, the Iman gives full reading of not one but two juzuk (chapters) each night! Such loooooooonnnnnnngggggggg verses…..
Long enough for me to lose my concentration and piousness….
Long enough for my mind to wonder around …….Thinking about my life, family, childhood days, schooling days, college and uni days……….
Indeed it was moments of deep contemplations….. just about everything lah!
I am ashamed to admit that in this state of deep contemplations, my over-active mind not only
Not only did I reflect on the state of my life (or the lack of it) but also, among others……
……about the state of my finances (what can I give up to get that TagHeuer watch in time for my birthday this year),
……should I or should I not request for an increase in my credit card limit?
……can I afford to buy a house close to my sibling’s in Bukit Kiara?
…….my holiday plans for next year (do I have enough to go to Tokyo and still take my mom to Holland to see the tulips bloom),
…….the menu for berbuka puasa the next day,
…….how many calories I have consumed during the buka puasa,
.........when do I start that belly-dancing class
……endless thoughts…………..
And so the battle goes...., every night, I will go to this prayer at the mosque praying that I will be able to give my full concentration to bertaqwa and I failed the ‘CONCENTRATION’ test.
But in my justification.......... I suppose those contemplations are indeed parts of my taqwa to God. Can't you see it that way? Okay, minus those worldly and materialistic things of course!
Most importantly, ‘why am I here now’ kind of questions and similar issues…..ultimately, reflection on my sins (big ones and small ones), how lucky I am to be alive and still have time to repent (instead of ‘mati katak’ in the middle of one of those crazy pursuits, back in the old days....).
What can be counted as my 'taqwa' (I think) would be those thoughts about my actions, my thoughts and conducts……….whatever I have done, be it wrong or right, why I do I get hurt, what went wrong……how will it end?
That must be hikmah and message in all these incidents….in happiness and sadness. There is a reason for everything….I just have to ponder and reflect and be thankful….…..
I have had been blessed all my life. Despite my constant complaints, winging and whining, I have not experienced real hardship in this life. I should be thankful to everything God has granted me
And so, I pray for the safely, good health, long life and prosperity of my love ones and my own welfare………and to world peace.
Piousness and Filial Piety, that is what I aim to be…….. InsyaAllah….
3 comments:
hehehe......tapi dont u realise after buat kat consulate hari tu we felt like.....that's all??? finish?? hahaha....yer la..have to admit..after a hard training....everything is much more easier!
Haha!! Indeed, everytime habis, we always complaint panjang sangatlah, lama sangat lah, panas la, pas tu bila dapat yang yang short and sweet, dah tak seronok pulak, TAK MENCABAR....guess those training really paid off!!
different experience between the one in jamia mosque and the consulate..allright...but the consulate punya telah 'tercemar' not even teraweh have started yet..wohoaaa..
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